It Ended On An Oily Stage

A blog stubbornly, contrarily, turning its blind-eye to a highly media-covered, seismic result last night and instead bitching on generally and then focusing on a Canadian Ice Hockey match from three weeks ago.

You Better Get With The Programme

Footballer Leon Osman is pictured sat off looking at a tree in this file photo

In the second-half of Everton spanking Stoke at the weekend, I was lucky enough to be sat just in front of a guy who summed up everything that's ridiculous about football fans at times. The manager had caused a few slight stirs by changing the side to rest players for the much more trying matches later in the week at Utd and Arsenal. This wasnt without risk, as a turgid draw agaisnt a team who've given us problems in teh apst would have elicited mass grumbling, but after one of the suprise picks, Deulofeu put us ahead it was a romp and an extremley classy display, with the added bonus of being able to keep one or two players on the bench to rest up.

Footballer Gerard Deulofeu is pictured in shocking red shorts pointing in this file photo

From the moment you saw the teamsheet the implication was that Barkley and Mirallas would be starting at Old Trafford. Could this guy see that though? Well, no he couldnt, and obvoulsy i wouldnt be mentioning it if he did. Throughout the half, as the 2nd, 3rd and 4th goals went in, thsi was his refrain:

"Needs to get Barkley on here!"
"Get Osman OFFFF!"
"Need to get Ross on"
"How is Mirallas not in this side?!"
"Osman!? Get 'im off!"
"Ross Barkley on now please!"
"Osman! He cant be starting games against Utd , its a joke!"
"Get. Barkley. On!!!"

Just sensless ranting, unable to see what is actually going and imgaine the possibility of the existance of something resembling a 'big picture'.

To summarise his whole outlook:

'The manager's game plan has worked to perfection here'

"He needs to fucking change it! NOW!!"

It Ended On An Oily Stage (by Niall)

Singer Hilary Duff is pictured at an Edmonton Oilers game in this file photo

The Edmonton Oilers are a professional Ice Hockey team who play and live and mingle in Edmonton. Which, by way of coincidence, is where I too live and mingle and wait for international clearance to work. In the meantime, I can give you curious folks a brief report on going to see said hockey team in action against local-ish rivals Toronto.

I suppose I'd better set the scene very quickly: the Oilers suck. They do. Not according to me, but to anyone who knows anything about hockey, they do. They are in the midst of one of their worst ever starts, and have barely managed to eke out victories or even goals during this torrid beginning to the campaign. Bless them though, if this hasn't given me a soft spot for them though; it'd be no fun trying to start to support them if they were any good. (And obviously twenty years of supporting Everton has hardened me somewhat to sporting disappointment).

No idea what's going on (is that a jelly?) in this file photo

Anyway: to the game!! This was a couple of weeks back, so The City Of Champions (I think that nickname is a non-hockey reference to be honest) was not yet covered in the knee-high blanket of snow which is enveloping us now. They play in Rexall Place, which is a standard indoor arena type affair, but genuinely does seem to have a tad more charm to it that, say, the MEN; possibly because the incumbent hockey team have managed to make their years of playing there fill it with an aura of tradition and history. Or maybe because one of the wall decortations downstairs is a very large picture of Tina Turner, mid-scream, thighs akimbo.

You are able to get a drink whenever you like, which is reasonable. At $9.25, which is, er, unreasonable, but expected. Sadly queing for said bev meant we missed the lads coming out to a hockey-themed remix of 'Hollaback Girl' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-vTY_mPtdM

And we missed kick off too (I called everything by it's soccer terms; the puck is the ball, deffo) and just as we found our seats, 'we' went 1-0 down. At which point I stopped calling them 'we'.

After this, the Oilers actually played ok, from what I could tell, for the rest of that period and up until Toronto scored 2 quick counters midway through the second. Then it was pretty much game over. The view and the gameplay is quite good, it's actually easier to follow live than on TV, as the eye can pick up on the speedy puck a lot better. For what it's worth I found Edmonton frustrating to watch, as they held onto the ball (yeah, ball) far too long and made strange 'hoofs' upfield, which I am assured are tactical but look somewhat desperate to the untrained eye.

Q: Why are the Edmonton Oilers like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver! 

The crowd were very mixed, both in terms of demographics and who they were supporting; Toronto brought a lot of supporters for the game, and that made the atmosphere fairly strange and a bit 'naughty' as Danny Dyer would say. If I asked him. Which I wouldn't. Because he's a bad, bad twat. Indeed, a fight broke out just in front of us which left a couple of bloody noses and some nachos on the floor. The aggressor was a portly, loud-mouthed Toronto man; Rob Ford would have been proud to see his city reflecting his unique outlook on life so many miles away.

Actor David Tennant is humorously depicted as part of an internet 'meme' in this file photo

I found the Toronto Leafs fans as a whole irksome to be fair: obviously you would be pretty buoyant at dispatching your rivals 4-0, but I'd like to think that most sets of fans would come up with better than the monotonous 'Go Leafs Go' chant. As we trudged out, disconsolate but not actually arsed really, I momentarily modified this to 'Die Leafs Die', before I stopped saying that, having realised that boozed up hockey yahoos may not actually appreciate my quick-wittedEnglish charm; a gobshite and a coward that's me.

To wrap up, if you ever go to a game, it's easy to follow and enjoyably fast-paced, if you can tolerate the garbage entertainment that Northern Americans feel like they have to twin with sports (A vote to decide which song to play between 'Sweet Caroline' and 'The FInal Countdown'. a) who cares? and b) how the fuck did 'Sweet Caroline' win, you tasteless goons?!). Overall: I would go again.

(Next week, Oilers only went and won 7-0 last. Hockey eh? Bloody hell.)

You Start The Fire

Wrestler Bret Hart is depicted as....kinell no idea sorry

Back to me this bit. I'm sure that last paragraph wasn't deliberately having a go at Ed Miliband on Desert Island Discs (which apart from Angels was actually alight I thought, and as an interview he came across really well on it. Yeah).

Doing a bit of picture sourcing for that (very thoroughly obvs) I came across loads of stuff saying 'celebrity oilers fans!' and on every one of them they had this one time Bret Hart wore one of their kits:

The lads

Interested, I had a rummage round the ol' superhighwebnet and found an interview where he said this one Raw was the best mic work he ever did:

'Do you have a favourite promo/interview in your career?'I always liked my Edmonton Oiler promo at the height of my US/Canada stuff around July ’97 …. You know the one about Canada taking care of the “sick and the old …. Gun control ..” etc etc.

http://www.pwinsider.com/article/76891/bret-hart-discusses-the-dream-match-he-never-got-to-have-wrestlemania-thoughts-who-he-thinks-should-end-undertakers-streak-and-much-more.html?p=1

(not a very detailed or probing quizzing but you cant just refer to it)

Loves it

monday-night-raw-july-7-1997

Far more detailed and worth a read is this^, an ingenious post/faux live blog of that evening's action. I particularly enjoyed:

"it’s hard to concentrate because he’s wearing his jacket partially off, and it’s this leather jacket, but he’s wearing a hockey jersey and his black wrestling tights all at once. It’s just a lot to take in"

As well as this:

"McMahon says he’d like to publicly apologize for Austin’s actions, as ruining a national anthem isn’t cool. Except when it is. (Like this time)."

A lad in a Canada T-shirt is snozzled by a cow....in this file picture. 

Being Boring

And, finally, for now, its good to see Michael Owen meta-ing the ass off the Twitter at the moment. Not many people have got onto this, but he's relaunched his account as a post-modern self-referential leap into the future by imagining his real self as caricatured version of another caricature account, which is based on another real person (James Milner), blurring the lines between real and deranged in a brave, high structuralist subversion.

Doesn't sound like something he'd do? No? Well, how else to explain the soul-sappingly banal tone of these respective comments, some by @themichaelowen and some by @BoringMilner:

• Another manager gone. This time Owen Coyle at Wigan. It's been a weekend of sackings.
• I thought Livermore's goal for Hull City was a chip but when I watched the replay you could see it was a deflection.
• Starting to get into the festive spirit. The tree is up and about to be decorated.
• Just opened door number 3 of my Advent calendar. It was a rocking horse.
• I hear Suarez was on fire tonight. Some interesting scores throughout The Premier League
• Looks like it is we're going to get some frost tonight because I have just seen a gritter.
• It's time to get the hat and gloves out today. Going to be chilly.
• Time to jump in the car and head down to London. Up bright and early in the morning .
• Shattered. Early night I think. 
• I would like to stay up and watch the Ashes but I have training in the morning and if I stay up I would be tired at training.

And that's that for now....

Christmas soon.